Friday, July 07, 2006

She Bush Turned Me Into a Newt!.

The structural scientists at DemocraticUnderground.com have performed an experiment that proves beyond the shadow of a doubt that the World Trade Center towers were brought down by a Bushco Conspiracy™ and not by the raging fires resulting from having fuel-laden 767/737s smash into them.

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=show_mesg&forum=125&topic_id=56836&mesg_id=56836


Link left cold on purpose, but by all means, go look. Or, if you don't want to do that, go look at the AR15.com thread. It reproduces the whole post.

To whet your appetite, here's the mental midget's "model" of one of the towers:

From his rigorous, meticulously detailed and calibrated test he determines:
What I conclude is that a fairly flimsy steel structure does not distort and bend and collapse very easily from a simple hydrocarbon fire. And thus, it is not clear why the much stronger steel columns in the WTC towers weakened so much from fires that the towers underwent global collapse.
Being a Python fan, what I was reminded of was this:
FIRST VILLAGER
We have found a witch. May we burn her?

ALL
A Witch! Burn her!

BEDEVERE
How do you know she is a witch?

ALL
She looks like one. Yes, she does.

BEDEVERE
Bring her forward.

They bring her forward - a beautiful YOUNG GIRL (MISS ISLINGTON)
dressed up as a witch.

WITCH
I am not a witch. I am not a witch.

BEDEVERE
But you are dressed as one.

WITCH
They dressed me up like this.

ALL
We didn't, we didn't!

WITCH
This is not my nose, It is a false one.

BEDEVERE takes her nose off.

BEDEVERE
Well?

FIRST VILLAGER
... Well, we did do the nose.

BEDEVERE
The nose?

FIRST VILLAGER
And the hat. But she is a witch.

ALL
A witch, a witch, burn her!

BEDEVERE
Did you dress her up like this?

FIRST VILLAGER
... Um ... Yes ... no ... a bit ... yes... she has got a wart.

BEDEVERE
Why do you think she is a witch?

SECOND VILLAGER
She turned me into a newt!

BEDEVERE
A newt?

SECOND VILLAGER
(After looking at himself for some time)
I got better.

ALL
Burn her anyway.

BEDEVERE
Quiet! Quiet! There are ways of telling whether she is a witch.

ARTHUR and PATSY ride up at this point and watch what follows with interest

ALL
There are? Tell up. What are they, wise Sir Bedevere?

BEDEVERE
Tell me ... what do you do with witches?

ALL
Burn them.

BEDEVERE
And what do you burn, apart from witches?

FOURTH VILLAGER
... Wood?

BEDEVERE
So why do witches burn?

SECOND VILLAGER
(pianissimo)
... Because they're made of wood...?

BEDEVERE
Good.

PEASANTS stir uneasily then come round to this conclusion.

ALL
I see. Yes, of course.

BEDEVERE
So how can we tell if she is made of wood?

FIRST VILLAGER
Make a bridge out of her.

BEDEVERE
Ah ... but can you not also make bridges out of stone?

ALL
Ah. Yes, of course ... um ... err ...

BEDEVERE
Does wood sink in water?

ALL
No, no, It floats. Throw her in the pond Tie weights on her. To the pond.

BEDEVERE
Wait. Wait ... tell me, what also floats on water?

ALL
Bread? No, no, no. Apples .... gravy ... very small rocks ...

ARTHUR
A duck.

They all turn and look at ARTHUR. BEDEVERE looks up very impressed.

BEDEVERE
Exactly. So... logically ...

FIRST VILLAGER
(beginning to pick up the thread)
If she ... weighs the same as a duck ... she's made of wood.

BEDEVERE
And therefore?

ALL
A witch! ... A duck! A duck! Fetch a duck.

FOURTH VILLAGER
Here is a duck, Sir Bedevere.

BEDEVERE
We shall use my largest scales.

He leads them a few yards to a very strange contraption indeed, made
of wood and rope and leather. They put the GIRL in one pan and the
duck in another. Each pan is supported by a wooden stave. BEDEVERE
checks each pan then ... ARTHUR looks on with interest.

BEDEVERE
Remove the supports.

Two PEASANTS knock them away with sledge hammers. The GIRL and the
duck swing slightly but balance perfectly.

ALL
A witch! A witch!

WITCH
It's a fair cop.

All
Burn her! Burn her! Let's make her into a ladder.

The VILLAGERS drag the girl away, leaving ARTHUR and BEDEVERE
regarding each other admiringly.
And that is precisely the level of "science" involved in that "experiment."

The forces of publik skooling have won. We're doomed.

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