Compensating for the Size of His Penis

I get to beat Say Uncle for once:

Elderly farmer near Bois D'Arc pulls gun on 3 thieves who came back for more

BOIS D’ARC, Mo. -- An elderly cattle rancher recently came face-to-face with three thieves on his property, and he took the matter into his own hands. The thieves might have been arrested if Vance West had been able to get someone to help him.

Vance West, 92, is a veteran and father of three. He lives by himself outside Bois d'Arc on more than 100 acres.

"See, there's where they left," he told a reporter, pointing out tire tracks. "They will be back. I think they will be back."

West says three men stole nearly $3,000 worth of equipment from one of his sheds. He missed the first time they came around, but not the second.

"He started climbing over the gate, and I told him not to climb over. He climbed over anyway, so I pulled a gun on him," West said.

"I told him, 'Do you see where it's cocked?' He says, 'I can see,'" West said. "He was sassy. He told me he wasn't going to do it."

The men got away when West tried to flag down someone on his county road.

And in a related note:

Retired librarian holds three burglary suspects on property until police arrive

SPRINGFIELD, Mo. --A retired school librarian and his brother-in-law held three burglars at gunpoint until police could get to a property on West Kearney Street near West Bypass on Monday morning. The three arrested men could face burglary charges.

"It was way out of character for me," said Ken Richardson, the retired librarian.

Richardson said, when he saw an unfamiliar vehicle parked in his family's driveway, he knew he had to do something. The home belongs to the grandmother of Richardson's brother-in-law.

"Gary grabbed his gun and said, 'Let's get in the truck and go,'" said Richardson.

Richardson said the two drove over to the house on Kearney. He said they spotted three burglars in an outbuilding. Richardson said that's when he pulled out a machete, normally used on his farm, and his brother-in-law pulled out his gun.

"We made it real clear to get down on the ground and show us their hands," said Richardson.

The brothers-in-law said they did not have much time to think about their own safety. They said their concern was protecting the property. They were able to keep the three men on the ground until police arrived.

According to the anti-gunners, these can't be Defensive Gun Uses! No one died!