More Moronics from Nerf™land - I Mean England.
(Or: "At What Price, Safety?")

Have you seen the latest? Two Three Four readers emailed me, and one commenter posted on this story:

Doctors seek kitchen knife ban

EDWARD BLACK

Key points
• Doctors claim long kitchen knives serve no purpose except as weapons
• 55 out of 108 homicide victims in Scotland were stabbed last year
• Police superintendents say a ban would be difficult to enforce

Key quote
"Many assaults are impulsive, often triggered by alcohol or misuse of other drugs, and the long pointed kitchen knife is an easily available, potentially lethal weapon, particularly in the domestic setting" - Dr Emma Hern, writing in British Medical Journal

LONG, pointed kitchen knives should be banned as part of a concerted effort to reduce the terrible injuries and deaths caused by stabbing attacks, doctors warned today.

Accident and emergency medics claim the knives serve no useful purpose in the kitchen but are proving deadly on the streets of Britain, with the doctors claiming the knives are used in as many as half of all stabbings.

Wait a minute. "(P)roving deadly on the streets of Britain"?? It's already illegal to carry almost any kind of knife "on the streets" of Britain unless you can prove "need" of it. (No presumption of innocence there.) Just ask Charlie Booker, arrested and sentenced for carrying a butter knife in public. Last I checked, a butter knife wasn't pointy or sharp.

Moreover, they're setting up metal detectors in public places, and searching anyone who tries to avoid them. It's "for the children," you know. If it saves just one life!

But now they need to ban kitchen knives?

The doctors claimed they had consulted leading chefs who said the knives were not needed for cooking - a claim disputed by chefs contacted by The Scotsman.

Latest figures from the Scottish Executive show that in 2003, 55 of 108 homicide victims were stabbed by a sharp instrument - often a kitchen knife.

Fifty-five homicides justifies banning kitchen knives. Jeebus. And of those 55 the weapon was often, not always a kitchen knife. Anyone see a realty disconnect here?

Writing in the British Medical Journal, specialist registrar Dr Emma Hern and emergency medicine consultant Dr Mike Beckett said a short pointed knife may cause a substantial superficial wound if used in an assault, but is unlikely to penetrate to inner organs. However, a pointed long blade pierces the body like "cutting into a ripe melon".

Define "short." One inch? Two? I've got this Ka-bar meat cleaver that I could really go medieval on your ass with. I don't think it qualifies as "pointy."

Internal organs can be heavily damaged, causing serious injury or death. The doctors said long knives with blunt ends - such as bread knives - would do far less damage.

Unless they're used to slash one's throat. Or femoral artery. Don't underestimate the lethality of a serrated bread knife!

Dr Hern said: "Many assaults are impulsive, often triggered by alcohol or misuse of other drugs, and the long pointed kitchen knife is an easily available, potentially lethal weapon, particularly in the domestic setting. Government action to ban the sale of such knives would drastically reduce their availability over the course of a few years."

Wait, wait. I thought the problem with these knives is that they're "on the street". Doesn't that suggest some premeditation? I mean, after all, you've got to be willing to break the law in the first place to simply carry such a knife out of your home, right? So if you're willing to do that, why wouldn't you be willing to substitute some other weapon? And banning the sale would "drastically reduce their availability over the course of a few years"??? IT'S A PIECE OF STEEL, YOU MORON!! THEY TAKE DECADES TO WEAR OUT! That Ka-bar meat cleaver I mentioned? WWII-era, if not older. I've got a couple of Old Hickory carbon-steel knives about the same age. And I don't think my 10" bladed, razor-sharp, needle-pointed Henckels chef's knife will be retiring any time soon, either.

Scotland's most respected pathologist, Professor Anthony Busuttil, said: "All the statistics show that for the last 15 years, victims of stabbings, whether fatal or seriously injured, are caused by kitchen knives such as steak knives rather than knives bought specially for the purpose."

Which, of course, could change overnight if such knives were all banned and confiscated, right? There'll be a big amnesty for people to turn in all their sharp, pointy knives and be reimbursed by the government who will issue them sporks in return? And then house-to-house searches and imprisonment for those who fail to comply?

Restaurateurs and chefs reacted angrily to suggestions of banning kitchen knives. Malcolm Duck, chairman of the Edinburgh Restaurateurs Association, said: "Kitchen knives are designed for a purpose. It would be like asking a surgeon to perform an operation with a bread knife instead of a scalpel. Anything in the house like a cricket bat could be used as weapon in the hands of an idiot."

Chief Superintendent Tom Buchan, president of the Association of Scottish Police Superintendents, said although a ban on sharp, pointed kitchen knives would be welcome, it could be difficult to enforce.

Gee, ya THINK?? You've got to have licensing and registration FIRST! Didn't you learn anything from the handgun ban?

Oh, right. Of course you didn't. Silly me.


The BBC has a story on this too. More of the same, except for this quote:

The use of knives is particularly worrying amongst adolescents, say the researchers, reporting that 24% of 16-year-olds have been shown to carry weapons, primarily knives.

The study found links between easy access to domestic knives and violent assault are long established.

French laws in the 17th century decreed that the tips of table and street knives be ground smooth.

A century later, forks and blunt-ended table knives were introduced in the UK in an effort to reduce injuries during arguments in public eating houses.

Ten minutes on a grinder: sharp pointy knife again. Or, of course, everyone could just switch to chisels.

Now, lest you think this is merely an aberration (even after the banning of full-auto weapons, semi-auto rifles, all handguns, pepper & other defensive sprays, tasers, pretty much anything suitable for self-defense, et cetera,) let me remind you that in 2003 they were discussing forcing pubs to use plastic glasses and plastic beer bottles to, what? REDUCE VIOLENCE, of course, because Pub fights cost £4m a year and bottles and drinking glasses were used to inflict 15,000 injuries a year! I don't know what the outcome of that effort was. If anyone does, please let me know.

But I'll tell you what: Let's just raze the British Isles, tote off all of the wood and brick and glass and metal and rebuild with terrycloth, foam rubber, Saran-wrap and soft plastics and then you'll all be safe! Right?

As soon as everyone is in a straightjacket, that is. You seem to need the spinal support.